Let yourself be

Our living room view

While we were renovating our apartment in Copenhagen, I was working two jobs, attending a semester of hard classes and adjusting to life back there after spending the majority of the previous 14 months in the U.S., I received a package. I left it in our 10 square foot hallway, that had 5 doors, nonetheless. My friend and roommate, who couldn’t avoid constantly tripping over it, asked what was in it and why I hadn’t opened it yet. It was a winter coat. I needed a good coat for survival of the winter. But it was dusty everywhere from the walls being refinished, despite our good efforts to seal the affected room with plastic drop cloths and tape. And all of our belongings were stuffed into one room and there was barely room to walk around in there and I just didn’t want to unpack it and look at it and most of all, DEAL with it. I just didn’t have the energy to make a decision and I was worried that I wasn’t going to like it or it wasn’t going to fit so I would have to find a different one. After a couple a days I finally opened it and it has been my favorite coat for the past couple of winters. (I don’t know how I would have survived the first winter here without it!) 

But, that’s what I do in my head too. I just ignore the stuff I don’t want to deal with. Which can sort of work out if it’s only one thing like the package for a couple of days. When you stumbled over it, at least you knew what caused it. Then we had to stuff even more furniture in an even tinier room for a while so it overflowed all the way into the hallway. Like, you had to cross an armchair, a lamp and a couple of storage boxes and all the miscellaneous  to get to the front- or bathroom door. When you lost balance then, it was hard to pinpoint exactly what did it. 

And then you find yourself crying and feeling a little overwhelmed in the bathroom at Home Depot without really knowing what is wrong. Because all the little things get build up. All the downs, I just shove ’em away. But there IS ups and downs, it’s supposed to be that way and it’s all alright. It’s alright to have a bad day in between the good ones. So I’m enjoying a cup of hot tea because the morning is a little chilly for the first time in a while. It is still supposed to get warm later and I might have an ice cream date so it’s still all good. 

A pep talk from me to me a couple of weeks ago. If you need one, it’s for you too!

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