manhattanI’m back from NYC and yesterday I felt a little under the weather so the day was spent napping and drinking tea.

Tonight, we were having dinner at our local diner and on the TVs I saw the tragic news from Paris. I am not super updated in the news situation these days, simply because I’ve tried to avoid it for a while to have less things to worry about when I would be sleepless at night.

But here it was, with no way to escape my attention. It is all just so terribly sad. It reminded me of the thoughts I was having earlier this week as I was standing at the Top of the Rock enjoying a beautiful sunny fall day with my friends. I was really young when the planes crashed into World Trade Center and while I understood that this was a terrible event, I just wasn’t able to fully comprehend it. And just like that it was the reality. It wasn’t just a risk or a scary dystopian thought, and as much as it could be wished undone, there’s no such thing. And now we’ve had to accept the irreversible part of history. It’s so real that we have just had to accept it as part of history. But as I stood there and glanced over Manhattan I thought about the hours and minutes before where no one could imagine what would happen. Before it became the day that turned the world upside down, it was just a day like every other day. A day where people woke up, went to work, were crammed on the subway, ordered coffee, jogged through Central Park, or took the elevator to the top of Rockefeller Center to enjoy the view. A view that no one expected to change that day or that the world would change so dramatically with it.

And tonight someone went out for dinner in Paris and didn’t make it home. We don’t plan for these events, we don’t expect them. The harsh reality that is so unexpected but can’t be undone.

When I pass an accident on the highway, it isn’t just a traffic backup it is someone who is loved and who was planning on driving somewhere else than to death. The sound of sirens makes my heart skip a beat because I know what has to happen to cause them. The older I get the more aware I get of my own mortality and I understand just how fragile and fleeing everything is. I am painfully aware of how fast it all can change without warning. It is all made up by these fleeing moments of ‘now’ and all it takes is to another quick moment to change it all. As I child my sphere was protected from the brutal reality of the world but I need someone to turn of the news now more than then because now I can fully comprehend the events. I understand as the death toll rises that it isn’t just a number, it is brothers and moms and grandparents and husbands and daughters. It is lives made up of moments upon moments of now leading up to a fatal moment with no more moments to follow.

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